Real marriage

To come to an inner relationship people have to take time. Today not enough time nor thoughts are given to build up such a good relationship. The sanctity of the covenant has lost its value today. The bond between one man and one woman is no important issue any more. Sacrilege or the profanation of anything holy is the favourite matter of these days.

In the Bible we do find the word “helper“, as God provided the partner for the first man (the 1°Adam). How many wives and husbands do consider themselves helpers in good and bad days, like they had their vows when they went in matrimony?

Question is what humankind wants to consider a ‘marriage‘ and what a value they want to give to the vows made when two people want to live with each other and share the same bed.

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Additional reading:

  1. Marriage vows and Divine vows
  2. Bible Guidelines for a happy marriage
  3. Father counterpart of the mother
  4. Father and motherhood
  5. Dignified role for the woman
  6. Gender roles and Multitasking parents
  7. Loving and having respect for the woman
  8. What shall I render unto the Lord for all His benefits
  9. Forced marriage and Islam
  10. New Thinky Things
  11. Manifests for believers #2 Changing celibacy requirement

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  • Marriage: do you take this total stranger to have and to hold? (telegraph.co.uk)
    Who said romance was dead? Jay Hunt, it would seem. Not content with giving us the man with 10-stone testicles and the woman with balls of steel (Benefits Street’s White Dee), Channel 4’s chief creative officer this week announced plans for a new show in which six strangers are married off live on television. Married At First Sight, explained Hunt, would see participants matched up with the help of a crack team of psychologists, psychotherapists, and social anthropologists. It will be a “groundbreaking experiment”, presumably in the same way that Big Brother was a great experiment in how to drag a section of society into the gutter, or Sex Live was an experiment in how to increase viewers by serving up prime-time porn.
  • Man Tries to Marry His Laptop Because It’s His ‘Preferred Sexual Object’ (thestir.cafemom.com)
    A man ostensibly trying to protest same-sex marriage has filed a lawsuit because he claims he’s being denied the “right” to marry the one whom he loves. The object of his affection being his porn-filled MacBook. Head meet desk.Amateur model and Army veteran Chris Sevier argues that if same-sex couples are allowed to marry, then he should be allowed to wed his computer because it’s his “preferred sexual object” and he prefers sex with his machine more than sex with “real women.” When he tried to file for a marriage license in Utah, it was rejected on the grounds of “sexual orientation.” Apparently “you’re a numbskull” isn’t an official response to this sort of thing.
  • Same-sex marriage: coercion dolled up as civil rights (mercatornet.com)
    It’s six weeks since Javascript inventor Brendan Eich was hounded out of his job at Mozilla by a virtual mob of intolerant tweeters and campaigners. His crime? Failing to genuflect at the altar of gay marriage, which is now the closest thing our otherwise godless, belief-lite, morally vacuous societies have to a sacred value. For refusing to bow down before this new sainted institution, and for having the temerity to donate money to a campaign group opposed to it, Eich was found guilty by the mob of sacrilege and was hounded out of public life as a modern-day heretic.
  • Marriage in the social media age (diaryofadysfunctionaldomesticdivablog.com)
    Marriage has never been easy kids.  Historically, marriage has been hard work.  Adam and Eve even knew it was tough to be married.  Sin has always been a dividing factor in marriages.  The bible tells us stories of deceit, adultery, even murder in marriage so this is obviously not a new trend.  But now, thanks to technology, it seems marriages have a whole new set of hurdles to jump.
  • Marriage Is Changing – Get Over It! (therightisalwayswrong.wordpress.com)
    Last month Stonewall published a draft gay marriage bill which removes the words “husband and wife” from the Matrimonial Causes Act 1973, replacing them with “parties to a marriage”. When asked to explain, Ben Summerskill, the CEO, said: “In some clauses you have to replace the words husband and wife because you cannot have two husbands or two wives.” I doubt many husbands and wives will be happy to have the legal definition of their marriages re-written in such a way.
  • Unlawful Marriages and Illegitimate Children (flindersarchaeology.com)
    Are you the product of an illegitimate marriage? You could be, especially if your ancestors were married in Adelaide in the month of May, 1842. In her book, Family Life in South Australia Fifty-Three Years Ago, Jane Isabella Watts (1890:139) writes “the glorious uncertainty of the law and the careless, slipshod way in which Acts of Parliament are constructed were seldom, perhaps, more strikingly displayed than in the drawing up of the new Marriage Act.”
  • Why Marriage? (mikehigh5.wordpress.com)
    I have the privilege of leading family ministries at our church and I am responsible for young married couples and young families in our church. Thinking about that, I asked myself a question that most of us have asked in our adult lives. Why marriage? This question is especially relevant in today’s culture – a culture where the marriage commitment is actually de-valued.
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    Our marriages picture God and His character when we live out God’s design of love.
  • The sanctity of marriage and the family (catholicjules.net)
    Faithful love between husband and wife mirrors the abiding love of God for His people; first developed by the Old Testament prophets, this imagery reached its fulfillment in Christ, Who weds Himself to the human race by becoming man, and invites us all to His eternal wedding feast in heaven.
    Husband and wife, by the covenant of marriage, are no longer… two, but one flesh. By their intimate union of persons and of actions they give mutual help and service to each other, experience the meaning of their unity, and gain an ever deeper understanding of it day by day.This intimate union in the mutual self-giving of two persons, as well as the good of the children, demands full fidelity from both, and an indissoluble unity between them.
  • Matrimony (ubiquelucet.wordpress.com)
    Faithful love between husband and wife mirrors the abiding love of God for His people; first developed by the Old Testament prophets, this imagery reached its fulfillment in Christ, Who weds Himself to the human race by becoming man, and invites us all to His eternal wedding feast in heaven.
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Loving and having respect for the woman

33 Nevertheless, each one of you must love his wife+ as he does himself; on the other hand, the wife should have deep respect for her husband.+

33 Nevertheless, also, let each one of YOU individually so love his wife+ as he does himself; on the other hand, the wife should have deep respect+ for her husband. (Ref.B)

each one of you must love his wife:

(Collosians 3:19): 19 You husbands, keep on loving your wives+ and do not be bitterly angry* with them.+

(Ephesians 5:25): 25 Husbands, continue loving your wives,+ just as the Christ also loved the congregation and gave himself up for it,+

(1 Peter 3:7): 7 You husbands, in the same way, continue dwelling with them according to knowledge.* Assign them honor+ as to a weaker vessel, the feminine one, since they are also heirs with you+ of the undeserved favor of life, in order for your prayers not to be hindered.

honor:

(Ephesians 5:25): 25 Husbands, continue loving your wives,+ just as the Christ also loved the congregation and gave himself up for it,+

have deep respect for her husband:

(1 Peter 3:5,6): 5 For this is how the holy women of the past who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, subjecting themselves to their husbands, 6 just as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord.+ And you have become her children, provided you continue doing good and do not give in to

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Let each one of you individually so love his wife as he does himself; on the other hand, the wife should have deep respect for her husband. — Eph. 5:33.

I Think I Love My Wife

I Think I Love My Wife (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Husband and wife

Husband and wife (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The Bible compares Christ’s relationship with the congregation to that of a husband with his wife. This should at once impress on us the direction a husband should give and the love and care he needs to exercise — as well as the subjection the wife should manifest — within the marital union. (Ephesians 5:22-32) When Paul wrote:

“In this way husbands ought to be loving their wives as their own bodies,” about which “way” was he speaking? (Ephesians 5:28)

His preceding words drew attention to the way in which

“Christ also loved the congregation and delivered up himself for it, . . . cleansing it with the bath of water by means of the word.”

Indeed, to work in harmony with Jehovah’s purpose for gathering all things together again in the Christ, a husband must be alert to feed his family spiritually. w12 7/15 4:15

A wife who is guided by Jehovah’s Word and his holy spirit can do much to make her home a place of tranquillity and happiness. It is natural for a God-fearing husband to love his wife and protect her physically and spiritually. She yearns for his love, and that requires that she be lovable.

“The truly wise woman has built up her house,”

says (Proverbs 14:1),

“but the foolish one tears it down with her own hands.”

A wise and loving wife contributes greatly to the success and happiness of her family. She also shows that she really appreciates God’s gift of marriage. Husbands and wives who base their union on Jesus’ example in dealing with his congregation show gratitude for God’s gift of marriage. (Ephesians 5:22-25) What blessings spouses enjoy when they truly love each other and never let pride, the childish silent treatment, or other unchristian traits mar their marriage! w12 5/15 1:12, 14, 15

21 Be in subjection to one another+ in fear of Christ. 22 Let wives be in subjection to their husbands+ as to the Lord, 23 because a husband is head of his wife+ just as the Christ is head of the congregation,+ he being a savior of this body. 24 In fact, as the congregation is in subjection to the Christ, wives should also be to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, continue loving your wives,+ just as the Christ also loved the congregation and gave himself up for it,+ 26 in order that he might sanctify it, cleansing it with the bath of water by means of the word,+ 27 so that he might present the congregation to himself in its splendor, without a spot or a wrinkle or any of such things,+ but holy and without blemish.+

28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. A man who loves his wife loves himself, 29 for no man ever hated his own body,* but he feeds and cherishes it, just as the Christ does the congregation, 30 because we are members of his body.+ 31 “For this reason a man will leave his father and his mother and he will stick to* his wife, and the two will be one flesh.”+ 32 This sacred secret+ is great. Now I am speaking about Christ and the congregation.+ 33 Nevertheless, each one of you must love his wife+ as he does himself; on the other hand, the wife should have deep respect for her husband.+ (Ephesians 5:21-33)

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Previously:

 Father and motherhood

Father counterpart of the mother

Dignified role for the woman

Gender roles and Multitasking parents

Dutch version: Nederlandse versie: Beminnen en pespecteren van man en vrouw

I Love My Wife

I Love My Wife (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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Additional reading:

  1. Our relationship with God, Jesus and eachother
  2. A Living Faith #10: Our manner of Life #2
  3. Companionship
  4. Let not sin reign in your mortal body
  5. Having children interferes with work
  6. For attractive lips, speak words of kindness
  7. Better loaves when the heart is joyous
  8. Do not forget the important sign of belief
  9. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love
  10. The task given to us to love each other
  11. Do the appropriate for a friend
  12. Lying in the senses in matters of love
  13. Love turns one person into two; and two into one
  14. Being one in Jesus, Jesus in us and God in Jesus
  15. To be chained by love for another one
  16. Love and win
  17. Work with joy and pray with love
  18. Gathering or meeting of believers
  19. Observing the commandments and becoming doers of the Word

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  • Husbands and wives summarized (deepstrength.wordpress.com)
    Predictably, wives whodesire andachieve equality are unhappy and unfulfilled. Husbands who lord over their wives show no love andare unfulfilled.However, those that follow that which the Scriptures affirm represent Him as One in marriage.
  • Establishing Healthy Husband-Wife Relationships (morselsofbread.net)
    In my personal life, I always felt that it was a continual power struggle to see which of us could be the most domineering in the relationship. After some time, I soon discovered that I had missed the mark completely.
  • 3 Things Men Want (Part 1): Respect (kingkurtissmith.wordpress.com)
    We just completed the 7 part series titled “7 Things Women Want”. These include: Acknowledgment, Affirmation, Attention, Affection, Security, Communication and Care (click to read).
    In that series, we ascertained that men are totally different from women in terms of attitude, reactions, thought pattern and behavior. Men are logical beings while women are emotional beings. Men are very easy to understand but the problem women have is that they act and think like women when relating with men. To successfully relate with a man, you have to act like a woman and think like a man. I’ll repeat, men are very easy to understand, most women are just too lazy to make that effort in understanding men. To buttress this point, you can see that men only want 3 things while women want 7 things. 7 compared to 3. Comon!..lol. Get this and you will never have problems with the men all your life again.
  • If You’re Not a Good Husband, Can You Be a Good Pastor? (katashdiakoniadotcom.wordpress.com)
    Marriage for every Christian man is a call to die for the salvation and sanctification of our wives.
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    You too may have a wife that has an occasional “wicked face” (to use Wesley’s words), but never pretend that her wicked face somehow changes your responsibility to God and her. Just as Christ died to cleanse His wicked bride, you do the same. Point her to Christ through your own self-sacrificial death. May Christ be the source of your love for your bride.
  • Wives: Love Your Husbands and He Will Move the World for You (menofredemption.wordpress.com)
    There is nothing like a husband who is committed and secured in his relationship with his wife for the cause of Christ. He is sold out for doing everything he can to make sure that his wife, family and purpose in life is fulfilled when he is following the Lord Jesus Christ. It’s rewarding, and it brings so much joy and completeness to his marriage relationship. Knowing that if he totally concentrates on serving God and his wife, God will make provision and a way where it seems impossible. That’s called allowing God to order and establish our steps in life. But sometimes it can become difficult if both the husband and wife aren’t in agreement with the covenant perspective, and then direction is misunderstood. There has to be understanding and agreement between the husband and the wife so that the spiritual leader of the home, the husband, can flourish in the guidance of the marriage and the wife supporting her husband with prayer and encouragement.
  • Love, Honor,Respect and Submission Are Gifts (peacefulwife.com)
    The way a husband treats his wife is an indicator of the depth of his love, respect and reverence for God. A husband’s love for his wifeis gift to her that springs from his love, obedience and reverence for Christ. A wife cannot force her husband to obey God and to love her as Christ loves her.  It is a gift he gives willingly because He loves and honors Jesus, so he loves and honors his wife.A wife’s respect and biblical submission towards her husband are gifts that a wife gives freely to her husband out of her love, obedience and reverence for Christ, as well.   There is no qualifier that a husband must do something first before the wife obeys God or that the husband must earn his wife’s respect.  A husband cannot force his wife to respect him and submit to him. 
  • Do It When You’re Old (howtodategod.wordpress.com)
    There is something to be said about Confidence in your spouse-Why? When you have confidence in your partner then there isn’t room for you to think about anything else negative. Your partner doesn’t need to “complete you”, you need to be complete in who you re before you ever think about getting married or being in any opposite sex relationship for that matter!  Be Confident.
  • Matrimony-dom At The Met: Hubby Hov “Puts A Ring” On BeyBey Again!!! (bossip.com)
    We’ve loved watching this couple grow together over the years, but hubby Hov may have topped himself this time! The rapper showed his romantic side after wife Beyoncé accidentally dropped the ring she was sporting on her right hand. Jay Z retrieved the ring, and staged a mock proposal all in front of the cameras as his wife smiled and playfully accepted his offering. Cute right? The whole world really is their stage.
  • 25th Wedding Anniversary / 25 Aniversario de Bodas (johaophotography.wordpress.com)

    As teenagers it comes to mind thoughts and desires of wanting to win the heart of someone and it is in that moment where begins our journey in search of love.

    The journey is not always easy, on occasion we have our high and other our low. Is as if we walk in search of a hidden treasure, but when we discovered we feel great satisfaction and joy that we want to shout it from the rooftops and share our happiness with the rest of the world.

  • Importance matrimonial websites in India are quite famous and authenticate (merggercom.wordpress.com)
    There is many matrimonial website in the world, but matrimonial websites in India are quite famous and authenticated. There are many free matrimonial websites which offer interested couple to know each other through website and find the best life partner for them. Indian matrimonial websites are good advisor and advice you to choose the best matchmaker for your life. Normally match making is done in India by parents or close relatives and child get ready to get married to the person which they find for them. While searching a guy or girl takes the lot of time and research but now a day’s youngsters prefer to choose their life partner by their own choice. They prefer to take their own decision to choose soul mate.
  • Loving Ewtn.com – Amor Para Ewtn.com (elpadreluisrodriguez.com)
    I recorded a 13 part series on Marriage Prep early on and recorded various of their spots called Faith Matters for TV.
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    Son muchas las respuestas que he dado en ambos idiomas de inglés y español.  Les grabé una serie de 13 partes sobre el tema de preparación pre-matrimonial y otros temas variados de la fe.  Pero mi gran alegría es el poder ayudarles en el forum de preguntas en español que provienen de Sur y Centroamérica, Méjico, Caribe y las partes sures de USA.  Los temas son muy variadas y diría yo que tienen que ver con todos los temas de la Iglesia.
  • Establishing Healthy Husband-Wife Relationships (morselsofbread.net)
    I used to not like the scripture found in Colossians 3:18 which reads,
    Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.Ephesians 5:22-23 also teaches, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
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    Women who are in abusive marriages and relationships lack self-esteem and often feel void of the love and compassion that God offers them. As a result, many do not seek a Godly life, but rather, they turn to the things of the world to fill a chaotic void in their life. They live under the delusion that the man they are in a relationship with “loves” them, and so they often find themselves hopelessly trapped and unable to escape an explosive situation. Too often, many lose touch with reality, believing that they are worthless, and as a result, they never live their lives as the special daughters that God intended for them to be.
  • Husbands and wives summarized (deepstrength.wordpress.com)
    Husbands incorrectly believe that if they treat their wives “as themselves” that they will lose respect for him and run roughshod all over him. They fear their wives. Wives incorrectly believe that if they treat their husbands as their “head” or “lord” that the husband will abuse this authority or get an ego trip. They fear their husbands. They do not know God because God is love and perfect love casts out fear (1 John 4:7-21).Thus, instead of believing what God says, they believe the lies told to them by themselves, society, and churchianity. Rather than turning to God and obeying His Scriptures they double down on the fact that the other spouse may or will treat them poorly. Rather than admit fault they continue in their own sin.
  • Wives: Love Your Husbands and He Will Move the World for You (menofredemption.wordpress.com)
    There is nothing like a husband who is committed and secured in his relationship with his wife for the cause of Christ. He is sold out for doing everything he can to make sure that his wife, family and purpose in life is fulfilled when he is following the Lord Jesus Christ. It’s rewarding, and it brings so much joy and completeness to his marriage relationship. Knowing that if he totally concentrates on serving God and his wife, God will make provision and a way where it seems impossible. That’s called allowing God to order and establish our steps in life. But sometimes it can become difficult if both the husband and wife aren’t in agreement with the covenant perspective, and then direction is misunderstood. There has to be understanding and agreement between the husband and the wife so that the spiritual leader of the home, the husband, can flourish in the guidance of the marriage and the wife supporting her husband with prayer and encouragement.
  • The Two Shall Be One Flesh (holdingforthhisword.wordpress.com)
    marriage is a huge commitment that takes a lot of love, work and forgiveness. 
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    most marriages go through seasons where there is great unity and harmony, and then seasons where there is disharmony and discord.  That covenant before a Holy God helps us to keep the bonds of holy matrimony intact during times of difficulty.
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    It is extremely sad that so many do not take seriously the covenant they have made before our Holy God with their spouse.  There are other passages in the Scriptures which give God’s truth about marriage and divorce.
  • Love, Honor,Respect and Submission Are Gifts (peacefulwife.com)
    God commands husbands to love their wives as Christ loves the church and gave Himself for her.  He also commands husbands not to be harsh with their wives, but to be tender with them.  He commands husbands to honor their wives as the weaker vessel and co-heirs with them in Christ.  There is no qualifier that the wife must do something in order for her husband to obey God or that the wife must earn her husband’s love.The way a husband treats his wife is an indicator of the depth of his love, respect and reverence for God. A husband’s love for his wife is gift to her that springs from his love, obedience and reverence for Christ. A wife cannot force her husband to obey God and to love her as Christ loves her.  It is a gift he gives willingly because He loves and honors Jesus, so he loves and honors his wife.
  • A Respectable Man (dannyandsheri.wordpress.com)
    The subject of a wife respecting her husband immediately begs the question: whyWhy do I deserve her respect?  And it was this question that I was failing to ask, so it was this answer that I was failing to see:A wife should respect her husband, as the husbandshould be a respectable man.I began to realize that respect is a two-way street.  As much as you give respect, you give respect as respect is earned.  And often, the balance of this transaction can fluctuate, in the act of giving undue respect to people who don’t deserve it, or not receiving the respect that your actions and integrity do in fact qualify you for – and this is actually ok, especially in a marriage.  But the point is, there’s a great deal of humility in this transaction that I was, up to this point, missing.

 

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Father counterpart of the mother

Today we can see that our society has distorted the ideas about man, woman, relationships between people, matrimony and how humankind has to behave and take care of next generations.

Woman and Man (Alternately, Husband and Wife)

Woman and Man (Alternately, Husband and Wife) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In the old times ‘Marriage‘ was about a sacred union of one man and one woman for life. In today’s society it is more considered as a union which can be taken on for some time, between two people, who do not necessary have to love each other for always, or have to have the opposite gender. For lots of people it may be an arrangement for economical and practical reasons and should not be necessary be taken before having sex with the other person, nor does it have to mean for them they have to stay committed to that one person.

In Genesis 2nd chapter is written:

18 Then Jehovah God said: “It is not good for the man to continue to be alone. I am going to make a helper for him, as a complement of him.”+ (NWT)

18 And Jehovah* God went on to say: “It is not good for the man to continue by himself. I am going to make a helper for him, as a complement* of him.”+ (RefB)

as a complement {Or, “counterpart,” something fitting for him } of him:

(Proverbs 31:11): 11 In her the heart of her owner* has put trust, and there is no gain lacking.+

(1 Corinthians 11:8,9): 8 For man did not come from woman, but woman came from man.+ 9 And what is more, man was not created for the sake of the woman, but woman for the sake of the man.+

(1 Timothy 2:13): 13 For Adam was formed first, then Eve.+

(Genesis 2:22): 22 And Jehovah God built the rib that he had taken from the man into a woman, and he brought her to the man.+

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The man’s being alone is not good; I will make him a helper to match him. — Gen. 2:18, “Byington.”

In Harmony before Matrimony (1805), James Gill...

In Harmony before Matrimony (1805), James Gillray caricatured a courtship in which the couple sings together from Duets de l’Amour. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Jehovah knows everything there is to know about mankind and marriage. He implanted a sexual need in humans so that they would “be fruitful and become many.” (Genesis 1:28) God understands feelings of loneliness, for prior to creating the first woman, he said the words of today’s text. Jehovah is also fully aware of the joy possible within the bonds of matrimony. (Proverbs 5:15-18) Because of sin and imperfection, no present-day marriage is perfect. Among Jehovah’s servants, however, wedlock can result in true happiness if God’s Word is followed. For instance, consider Paul’s clear counsel on intimate relations in marriage. (1 Corinthians 7:1-5)

 

7 Now concerning the things about which you wrote, it is better for a man not to touch* a woman; but because of the prevalence of sexual immorality,* let each man have his own wife+ and each woman have her own husband.+ Let the husband give to his wife her due, and let the wife also do likewise to her husband.+ The wife does not have authority over her own body, but her husband does; likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but his wife does. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent for an appointed time, so that you may devote time to prayer and may come together again, in order that Satan may not keep tempting you for your lack of self-control. However, I say this by way of concession, not as a command. But I wish all men were as I am. Nevertheless, each one has his own gift+ from God, one in this way, another in that way. (1 Corinthians 7:1-7)

It is not Scripturally required that marriage mates limit sexual relations to efforts to produce offspring. Such intimacy can rightly fill emotional and physical needs. But perverted practices certainly do not please God. w12 5/15 1:9, 10

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Preceding articles:

Gender roles and Multitasking parents

 Father and motherhood

 Dignified role for the woman

 Having children interferes with work

Dutch version /Nederlandstalige versie: Vader tegenhanger van de moeder

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Find more literature:

  1. Walking alone?
  2. What loneliness is more lonely than distrust?
  3. Companionship
  4. Creator and Blogger God 5 Things to tell
  5. Book Review: Ann Gauger, Douglas Axe & Casey Luskin, Science & Human Origins. Seattle: Discovery Institute Press, 2012.124pp.
  6. Story of Jesus’ birth begins long before the New Testament
  7. Women, conservative evangelicals and their counter-offensive
  8. Bible Guidelines for a happy marriage
  9. Manifests for believers #2 Changing celibacy requirement
  10. Poverty and conservative role patterns
  11. Being religious has benefits even in this life
  12. I started off with the little things….
  13. Three keys to a happy marriage
  14. In marriage not wounding each other
  15. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love
  16. Love and win
  17. For God loves me
  18. The task given to us to love each other
  19. The Seven Daughters of Eve

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  • Is marriage just a social union? (illustrationstoencourage.wordpress.com)
    In God’s eyes, marriage is much more than a mere social arrangement. It is a sacred union between a man and a woman. The Bible says: “From the beginning of creation ‘[God] made them male and female. On this account a man will leave his father and mother, and the two will be one flesh’ . . . Therefore what God yoked together let no man put apart.” *Mark 10:6-9; Genesis 2:24.

    The words, “what God yoked [or, joined] together,” do not mean that marriages are made in heaven. Rather, by pointing to our Creator as the Originator of the marriage arrangement, the Bible emphasizes the seriousness of this union. Couples who see their marriage in that light treat it as a sacred, permanent bond, thus strengthening their determination to make their marriage a success. They further increase their prospects for success when they turn to the Bible for guidance in fulfilling their respective roles as husband and wife.

  • Real marriage (williamb97.wordpress.com)
    David says that we find favor with God when we find a godly wife. God wants people to be married. But married in the way and by the definition that He has set.This is going to sound really harsh and maybe even mean spirited, but all I am doing is clearing the air about what God says about Marriage and Homosexuality. Homosexuals will not enter into the Kingdom of Heaven. Think that sounds wrong or that I am being judgmental? Nope, this comes straight from God’s Word
  • Ask John Calvin: What is a wife for? (annsechrist.wordpress.com)
    There was no place for man being the “spiritual” spouse, and women being the “practical” one, created to fulfill a man’s sexual needs, produce children, and manage the home. Though this was a common philosophy of the day andcontains a bit of truth, the Scriptures—and Calvin—so obviously disagreed. A wife is the “inseparable associate of his life,” which must mean she is intelligent, companionable, talented, and fully able to comealongside or “across from” her husband to help him with his mission in life.Part of this mission may be to cuddle in bed, carry his children, cook his meals, and teach his sons and daughters how to spell. But that should not at all detract from the understanding that her mission is to inseparably associate herself with every aspect of his life in which she can prove herself helpful, be it business accounting, back massages, writing letters and making phone calls, editing books, research and writing, understanding and being able to discuss the gospel, buying land, giving to charity, making decisions he would have made when he is absent, and in every way proving herself a help. She should truly be a crown that does not diminish the glory of God in her husband, but causes it to show the brighter. Those are my thoughts, but read Calvin. His opinion is what you really want to hear. It’s a long quote, but hopefully my (added) paragraph breaks will help you to process it! Here it is:
  • Cohabitating Seniors and the Meaning of Marriage (ezerwoman.wordpress.com)
    An increasing number of older men and women are moving in together.  But,it appears to me that their rationale is fear-based.  Perhaps their spouse has died.  They don’t wantto be alone.  Financially, it seems practical not to marry and, instead, live together.  Perhaps it seems less complicated to keep their business affairs separate for the sake of their children and grandchildren.  Perhaps insurance coverage ora life-savings will be better protected if theyjustcohabitate.  After all, it isn’t so much about sex as it is companionship and being a couple in a “couple’s world.”So, what isacohabitating senior, especiallyacohabitating Christian senior, saying about marriage?Is marriage all about the joys ofpro-creational sex?  Or is it more?Marriage, from a Biblical worldview, is the practice of generational faithfulness.  It is the union of one man and one woman with all that they uniquely bring into partnership for the benefit of family and community.  In God’s words, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him” (Genesis 2:18 ESV).
  • A Mother’s Take on Intimacy (mealsdeals31thrills.wordpress.com)
    We’ve all heard stories or statistics about how physical intimacy effects men and women differently – usually as a warning to non-married adolescents. But this was not an accident. God did it on purpose.
    +
    God created us women to be organizers, list-makers, Do-ers, Feel-ers, Listeners, Care-takers. He knew we would zero in on those roles that cause us to put others first, so He created man with a strong physical desire to help remind us to enjoy our husbands.
    +
    In case you weren’t aware, it just so happens that the only way to become a mother is through physical intimacy – the very thing our husbands most desire, not from an unhealthy or dirty intention our society has sometimes made it to be, but as a way of expressing the love between one another. (I suppose in this day and age you could argue we have science that can help us, but I’m referring to the first and most natural way, before the science existed.)
  • Our Home and Environs – Part 1 (sonlightdevotional.org)

    One of the greatest needs in the world today is proper home life, in particular, and good human relations, in general.

    Life, on a whole (which comes from God), is taken so lightly (from conception to termination) that regard and respect are no longer qualities associated with man dealing with man.

  • How a wife can defeat her husband. (wretchednetwork.wordpress.com)
    It is better to live in a desert land, than with a quarrelsome and fretful woman. (Proverbs 21:19,
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Father and motherhood

Necessary population

Fatherhood/Motherhood

Fatherhood/Motherhood (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Today many people may not be interested in having children and look down at those who take the time to have some children. Many forget that children represent the future generation. Without any children there will be no continuation of the people. With not enough children there will be not enough working people able to take care of the ones who can not work any more.

Respect, honour, and support for those who want to take care for the next generation is long gone. Although the modern world sends mixed messages about motherhood, the Bible affirms that children are a blessing from God and can be a source of happiness for parents.

 3 Look! Sons are an inheritance from Jehovah;+ The fruitage of the belly is a reward.+ 4 Like arrows in the hand of a mighty man,*+So are the sons of youth.+ 5 Happy is the able-bodied man* that has filled+ his quiver with them. They will not be ashamed,+For they will speak with enemies in the gate. (Psalm 127:3-5)

Yet, the Scriptures are not blind to the realities of motherhood. The Bible records many of its challenges.

Choices to encounter challenges

Depiction of Adam and Eve being cast out from ...

Depiction of Adam and Eve being cast out from the Garden of Eden

Throughout history men and women had to make their own choices. They could go their own way. The Divine Creator Jehovah God, has given humankind the right to prove that they themselves can manage this world. To make the best out of their life they have to make the right choices.

At the beginning of times the Creator gave the task to the first human beings (Adam and Eve) to multiply themselves. They had to take on the role of father and mother and to bring up children. Their children in turn had to make the choice to follow the commandments of God and creating new life, or to stay on their own and continue their life like they choose themselves.

Whatever choice the human being made, it would have implementations on their own free time and on what they could do in the future. Nothing has changed.  As in the early times of men, today those who would like to have children, have to make decisions which shall change their life for ever.

The choice of being with child will be a irreversible choice in life. Choosing for parenting and motherhood have a deep and lasting influence on the life and character of themselves and their children. These decisions can bring large changes in the parents’ life-style, so they need to be made carefully. They include such questions as: Should a mother work outside the home? If yes, how much? Who is to care for the children while the mother is away working? In the end, parents must do what they believe is best for their children and also what is right before God.

Equal in the eyes of God

Man and woman are both created in the image of God and are both equal in the eyes of the Creator. Not one is better than the other. Both have to prove themselves and make themselves worthy to enter the Kingdom of God.

Our society does not like men nor women to be unproductive, and caring for children seems for them something which does not generate money for the society. the pressure from outside can make it very difficult for men and women to choose to have children and to stay at home to take care of them.

Not alone

However, mothers need not feel alone in the struggle to make wise decisions. They can take great comfort in the words of Isaiah 40:11, which indicates that God takes special interest in the needs of mothers with young babies, whom he “will conduct with care.” God manifests such keen interest by providing in the Bible a number of guidelines that can make motherhood enjoyable and successful.

11 Like a shepherd he will shepherd his own drove.+ With his arm he will collect together the lambs;+ and in his bosom he will carry [them].+ Those giving suck he will conduct [with care].+ (Isaiah 40:11)

10 They will not go hungry,+ neither will they go thirsty,+ nor will parching heat or sun strike them.+ For the One who is having pity* upon them will lead them,+ and by the springs of water he will conduct them.+ (Isaiah 49:10)

Someone to trust

Even those people who did at first did not want to know about God and His family, may trust the Creator that when they change direction and do want to leave this materialist world to foster a more spiritual world, God shall be willing to come to their help.

16 “The lost* one I shall search for,+ and the dispersed one I shall bring back, and the broken one I shall bandage and the ailing one I shall strengthen, but the fat one+ and the strong one I shall annihilate. I shall feed that one* with judgment.”*+ (Ezekiel 34:16)

Loving incoming money

Today we can see lots of people who love the incoming money and who spend their time not on family matters but pure on leisure. Many grown fat, have become thick, have become gorged. Today we can see that many are defrauding the lowly ones and crushing the poor ones. The Bible warns us for those who wanted to go the path of money and material gain instead of spiritual gain.  Those who forsook God, who made them and despised the Rock of their salvation shall have to face, in the near future, the sword of God.

15 When Jesh′u·run*+ began to grow fat, then he kicked.*+ You have grown fat, you have become thick, you have become gorged.+ So he forsook God,* who made him,+ And despised the Rock*+ of his salvation. (Deuteronomy 32:15)

16 Therefore the [true] Lord,* Jehovah of armies, will keep sending upon his fat ones a wasting disease,+ and under his glory a burning will keep burning away like the burning of a fire.+ (Isaiah 10:16)

26 And I will make those maltreating you eat their own flesh; and as with the sweet wine they will become drunk with their own blood. And all flesh will have to know that I, Jehovah,+ am your Savior+ and your Repurchaser,+ the Powerful One of Jacob.”+ (Isaiah 49:26)

Needing care, love and ingenuity

Jehovah, the Only One God, knows that children are small, delicate and tender, and that they need the necessary care. Those who want to give that care, not for their own gain or lust, God is willing to help.

2 Shepherd+ the flock of God+ in YOUR care, not under compulsion,* but willingly;*+ neither for love of dishonest gain,+ but eagerly; (1 Peter 5:2)

God’s Word says that the person who “is guarding discernment is going to find good.”

8 He that is acquiring heart*+ is loving his own soul. He that is guarding discernment is going to find good.+ (Proverbs 19:8)

English: Children dancing, International Peace...

Children dancing, International Peace Day 2009, Geneva. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Discernment is needed to sort through the unending range of leisure activities, gadgets, and trends that overwhelm mothers and children. Everywhere we are confronted with commercials. Constantly we are being bombarded with new products, better technology, and more services! Economic pressures takes a toll. Modern conveniences come at a cost, so more parents are working. Being part of a mobile society has led many family members to live and work far away from the support system of their extended family and in some cases even far away from their spouse. In many lands popular culture is not helping either, as it often focuses on tearing down institutions that provide a sense of stability, such as marriage and family.

We as Christians can take on the right attitude so that we can cope with those challenges. As a person we do have to determine what is essential and useful to ourself and to those we love. As parents we also should help our children to do the same thing.

Making the changes that are possible

When we are going to have children we should use common sense and sound judgement.

19 Jehovah himself in wisdom founded the earth.+ He solidly fixed the heavens in discernment.+ 20 By his knowledge the watery deeps* themselves were split apart,+ and the cloudy skies keep dripping down light rain.+ 21 My son, may they not get away from your eyes.+ Safeguard practical wisdom and thinking ability,+ 22 and they will prove to be life to your soul+ and charm to your throat.+ 23 In that case you will walk in security+ on your way, and even your foot will not strike against anything.+ 24 Whenever you lie down you will feel no dread;+ and you will certainly lie down, and your sleep must be pleasurable.+ 25 You will not need to be afraid of any sudden dreadful thing,+ nor of the storm upon the wicked ones, because it is coming.+ 26 For Jehovah himself will prove to be, in effect, your confidence,*+ and he will certainly keep your foot against capture.+ (Proverbs 3: 19-21-26)

If you are currently working outside the home, can your family live on just your husband’s income? To help answer this question, determine how much your actual take-home pay is after subtracting taxes, child care, commuting costs, wardrobe, meals out, and extras. Also, your husband’s income may be taxed at a higher rate if your combined income puts you in a higher income bracket. You may be surprised how little is left over.

Some work fewer hours or closer to home, which may mean less money but more time with the children. If you decide to stop working and if your job has been important to you for your self-worth and sense of accomplishment, think about how you can maintain these important elements while staying home.

Juggling act

Balancing work and home is not easy, but can be done. There are millions of working mothers and a few thousands of fathers who embraced the idea that ‘quality time’ with the children could partly make up for frequent absences — and who have found the idea wanting. Many mothers today say that juggling the stresses of work with the responsibilities of home leaves them overworked, overstrained, and underpaid.

Full-time mothers or full time fathers who stay at home to look after their children say that they have to endure being patronized and downgraded by a society geared to glorifying paid work. In some societies being a housewife is no longer considered an honourable position, so women are pressured to have their own career, even if the extra income is not necessary. To be a houseman is considered even more grave than a housewife by many.

Men escaping their duties

While a growing number of mothers work longer hours, fathers do not always compensate. The Sunday Times of London wrote:

“Britain is a nation of absent fathers, according to new research showing that men spend as little as 15 minutes a day with their children. . . . Many men do not take much pleasure in spending time with their families. . . . By comparison, the British professional mother will spend 90 minutes a day with her children.”

Some husbands complain that their wife finds it difficult to delegate tasks because she insists that everything be done exactly the way she is used to doing it. “Otherwise, you do it wrong,” the husbands say. Obviously, in order to benefit from the cooperation of her husband, a tired housewife may have to be willing to make some concessions as to the way certain household tasks are done. On the other hand, the husband should not use that argument as an excuse to do nothing.

Taking up fatherhood

David Blankenhorn, one of the founders of the National Fatherhood Initiative, which promotes responsible, committed fatherhood, noted that in a 1994 survey of 1,600 U.S. men, 50 percent said that their fathers were emotionally absent during their childhood. Many of today’s fathers do not want to see this pattern repeated.

Fathers who are actively involved with their children can be a wholesome influence. Referring to research published by the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, The Toronto Star said that when fathers eat meals with their children, go on outings with them, and help with homework, there are “fewer behaviour problems, higher levels of sociability and a higher level of school performance among children and adolescents.”

The foregoing highlights an arrangement for raising children that is as practical today as when first penned over three thousand years ago. The Originator of the family specifically instructed fathers to be actively involved in raising their children.

 14 On account of this I bend my knees+ to the Father,+ 15 to whom every family+ in heaven and on earth owes its name,+ 16 to the end that he may grant YOU according to the riches+ of his glory to be made mighty in the man YOU are inside+ with power through his spirit,+ 17 to have the Christ dwell through [YOUR] faith in YOUR hearts with* love;+ that YOU may be rooted+ and established on the foundation,+ 18 in order that YOU may be thoroughly able to grasp mentally+ with all the holy ones what is the breadth and length and height and depth,+ 19 and to know the love of the Christ+ which surpasses knowledge, that YOU may be filled with all* the fullness+ that God gives. (Ephesians 3:14-19)

4 And YOU, fathers, do not be irritating* YOUR children,+ but go on bringing them up+ in the discipline+ and mental-regulating*+ of Jehovah.* (Ephesians 6:4)

Fathers were counselled to inculcate a love for God in the hearts of their children and to speak to them of God’s regulations and commandments. God told them to do this ‘when they sat in their house and when they walked on the road and when they lay down and when they got up.’ (Deuteronomy 6:7).

Shared responsibility

Parenting is a shared responsibility. The Bible admonishes children: “Listen . . . to the discipline of your father, and do not forsake the law of your mother.” (Proverbs 1:8) The role of the father is vital. It includes supporting and respecting the mother and sharing in child-rearing tasks. It also requires spending time reading to and talking with the children. This fills a vital emotional need of children.

Unquestionably, the Bible is the most reliable source of counsel and sound principles for a well-adjusted family. A father who actively provides for the spiritual, emotional, and material needs of his family is fulfilling his God-assigned responsibility.

+

Find also to read:

  1. Parenthood made more difficult
  2. Having children interferes with work
  3. Connection between women and environmental sustainability
  4. Poverty and conservative role patterns
  5. Gender Roles, What?
  6. Dignified role for the woman
  7. Gender roles and Multitasking parents
  8. Surviving Motherhood: things to get excited about, right now
  9. Avoiding the big questions
  10. I started off with the little things….
  11. I want to get paid for changing diapers, but i don’t want to run a day care
  12. Gender equality and women’s rights in the post-2015 agenda
  13. Women Delivering Development: Reproductive Health, Environment and the Post-2015 Agenda
  14. European Parliament stands for human dignity
  15. Women, conservative evangelicals and their counter-offensive
  16. Don’t be the weakest link
  17. It Takes a Village
  18. Choices
  19. Each choice we make causes a ripple effect in our lives
  20. For those who make other choices
  21. Bible Guidelines for a happy marriage
  22. Joy: Foundation for a Positive Life
  23. Thirst for happiness and meaning
  24. Remember there’s a light in the next day
  25. Happy is the person who knows what to remember of the past
  26. The truest greatness lies in being kind
  27. Be happy that the thorn bush has roses
  28. Partakers of the sufferings
  29. Life and attitude of a Christian
  30. Commit your self to the trustworthy creator
  31. God helper and deliverer

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  • Letters To A Natalist World: Motherhood Is Not The Highest Paid Job In The World (childfreevoices.com)
    I know you want parenting to look as appealing as possible, but come on, who do you you think you’re fooling here?If being a parent is so great, then you shouldn’t have to lie about what it is to brag about it. These cutesy-wootsey, natalism-worshipping FaceBook share-fodder pictures with ridiculous captions have got to stop.
    +
    Rebecca Meyer wrote:
    It’s funny that people try to say we have kids so that we have something that will “love us unconditionally.” It’s not even accurate. Psychologically, children love Conditionally because they depend on the parent for food, water, shelter, and any other basic survival needs. Infants do not love a parent unconditionally (meaning even if the basic survival needs weren’t met). Unconditional love actually to me comes from relationships mostly not within the family because you don’t feel obligated to love the person like you feel when family members are concerned.
  • Motherhood!….Part 5 {Whither Womanhood} (purplerays.wordpress.com)
    At every turn, motherhood praises are deafening! In songs, poetry and prose, motherhood is cast in gold and eulogized in every culture, race and creed! Little wonder the whole earth is referred to as “Mother Earth”!
    As things stand, motherhood seems to be rated above womanhood or regarded as the defining factor and crown of womanhood!
    In not-so-liberal cultures, barrenness or, not bearing the ‘right gender’ of children is considered the fault of the woman and enough grounds for dissolving a marriage or desecrating it with impunity!
    Many acclaimed preachers and religious teachers tell us that we are here to multiply, increase and fill the earth and where a middle-aged woman is not part of this multiplication equation, she is not fulfilling a Divine ordinance.
  • Motherhood!…….Part 4 {Children, Honor Fathers and Mothers} (purplerays.wordpress.com)
    Generally, mothers are accorded a great deal of love and respect, even above fathers! Maybe because they are one of the first voices and faces the child recognizes; the first teachers; the caring hands that rock the cradle and, as a reward, the hand that rocks the cradle gets the larger dose of love!
    Conventionally, daddy provides the comfort and balm but, it is mommy who solicitously applies them and gets noticed more! Cherishing dear mommy is usually the nurturing ground for love and other virtues!
    In religion, parent-honor is almost a form of worship! Virtually every religion carves a special top-notch niche for fathers and mothers. The Christian Scriptures encapsulates it all with the Commandment “Honor Thy Father and Thy Mother”!
    However, the wrong interpretation of this Commandment has inadvertently worked untold hardship on many a child who struggles to obey it! How is a child to honor a father who has degenerated to a drunkard and drug addict; or a mother who through hot temper, loose tongue and lack of self-discipline torments the household?
    How can a child honor and revere parents who roundly abuse themselves and are frequently embroiled in violent quarrels?
    Unless the child is also contaminated, he/she can only pay lip-service and empty habitual respect to such parents. The impetus for pure love and heart-felt honor which streams from the soul is lacking! The child simply tags along in make-believe obedience!
  • God is Jehovah Shammah-God is There! (crosbyp12003.wordpress.com)
    Gods wants us to trust him with everything; hear that Everything. Sometimes we can get ahead of a God and think we have the answers. As new covenant believers God lives on the inside of us through the Holy Spirit. God is always with us. He does not turn his back on us to fend for ourselves . God wants to heal msny of us from a false view that he is a God ready to beat you down.
  • Motherhood (girlinterrupted28.wordpress.com)
    What makes a mother?This is a question I find myself asking much too often, practically on a daily basis.  Mostly because I wonder if I qualify.  If I am a mother.  When people ask how many children I have, when I have to fill out a form, when I watch friends struggling with their children or to create children at all…I ask myself.  Because I want to be a mother.  Because I was a mother.
  • Is there a “shortage” of single fathers? (dalrock.wordpress.com)
    Captain Capitalism found an article on eHarmony titled 15 Reasons to Date a Single Mom. The fifteen reasons boil down to various ways of stating that single moms are easy, they will mother you, and you get to have fun with kids.
    +
    there can be good reasons why a woman might find herself without the father of her children in the household, but the fact that he’s not around isn’t proof of her loyalty;  statistically speaking it is more likely than not an indication that she ejected the father from the home.  Aside from widows, it is at the very least a red flag which needs to be thoroughly vetted.
  • Motherhood In The Workplace: I Was Asked to Tone-Down the ‘Mommy Thing’ (tinystepsmommy.com)
    I decided to return to work after being home with AD for 20 months. My oldest AL was 8-years-old and my daughter B was only four-months-old. I was still nursing, yet I accepted a job in the corporate office of a franchise company to manage their communications. I wanted to give my “career” a chance. Looking back, I realize I was overwhelmed at home and suffering from a major case of the grass is always greener.
    +
    After our departmental meeting, my new boss pulled me aside and “suggested” that I don’t lead with the “mommy thing.” I was stunned and insulted and embarrassed. I figured she knew what she was talking about. I hadn’t worked in the private sector before. My experience was with not-for-profit organizations, trade associations, or at a newspaper. Again, I ignored my instincts.
  • Optional Parenthood (ordinarybutloud.wordpress.com)
    One of my mother friends finds it strange that out of my handful of closest friends in the world (and she is included on the list) two of them are childless. She thinks it’s strange because a) I’m so devoted to my own parenting; b) my life is seemingly arranged to facilitate parenthood; c) most of the friendships she’s made or maintained have come through her kids and the parents of her kids’ friends. It bears mentioning that this friend is someone I met years and years ago, before either of us had children. It’s not as if we became friends because we are both parents. We were already friends and then we became parents.
  • The Juggle of Modern Motherhood (childledchaos.me.uk)
    My mum first became a mother in the early 1960s. She was 20 when she got married, and a month over 21 when my eldest brother arrived. By her 24th birthday she had three sons, all under three.
    +
    Modern motherhood (and modern parenthood) is so far removed from five decades ago, it really is like comparing chalk and cheese. I can’t imagine how women (and it was almost exclusively women) in the 1960s juggled childcare and housework, let alone adding paid work into the mix.I was a decade older than my mother had been when I had my first child, and had a degree and a career (of sorts) behind me. I was made redundant when I was three months pregnant with our first child, and I applied for work after she was born. I therefore became the default primary carer.

    I ‘returned to work’ when my baby was five months old and, as I didn’t breastfeed, this was easy. I had three days a week paid work, leaving four days to concentrate on motherhood, and pretended that it was just perfect that I had the benefits of both work and home. How jolly!

    How untrue! Working part-time (or full-time) and being a full-time parent (because if you’re a parent, you are a full-time parent, especially when you’re the primary carer) doesn’t give you the benefits of both; it gives you the downsides of both. Multiplied.

  • Motherhood= Amazing (arichter0723.wordpress.com)
    Ever since I was a little girl, I always wanted to be a mommy. I had many baby dolls and would take care of them as if they were my own.  I would pay attention to my mother and what she did for me, so I could be a better mommy to my “babies.” I would read to them, take them on car trips, and put them to bed right next to me. My babies were my everything.

Gender roles and Multitasking parents

Women and/or men who choose to remain at home to look after their children face a torrent of prejudice.

Motherism or fatherism

Dr Aric Sigman, at a conference convened by Mothers At Home Matter warned of the rise of “motherism”; a prejudice against stay-at-home mothers, but for the same matter he could also have spoken about the stay-at-home fathers.
The “motherism” he is talking about could as well be called “fatherism” which is as dangerous for the men as the “motherism” is for the women. Both puts women and men off being stay-at-home parents, which is the developmental ideal in the present society.

There is not only a prejudice against stay-at-home mothers, also fathers who decide to spend some time off work to have more time with the kids are scammed.

writes:

There is a presentation of women who look after their own children full time as air-headed, spoilt and dowdy. However, there is also a prejudice against women who look after their children but aren’t dowdy (yummy mummies); women who go back to work after having had children; women who stay out of work but also employ nannies; women who work part-time and look after their children the rest of the time.

Wanting to stay home

How many mom’s would like to be stay at home Mom’s and how many Dad would like the be stay at home Dad, wonders Colleen Fassler of  Mom Wife Family Health Life.

In Belgium that answer would be clear: No body would dare to say they would like to stay at home to take care of the kids. The few who say that they would prefer to stay at home are looked at and considered to be the weaker elements of this society.

Our youngsters will have to work already until 67 before they can retire, but will only receive retirement allotment for the days they really worked to earn money, over their full career. The kids brought up in a one child family did not learn to share and do not want to share much with others. Many of them do not even find a reason why to marry when it is easier and with no strings, just to enjoy sex without any commitments.

SDT-2013-05-fertility-education-01The after babyboom generation with other aims

From the previous articles you can make up that today moms are different from those of the baby boom generation. They are not only more likely to have gone to university, they also want to realize their assets. To convert their knowledge into cash they are more likely to work full-time, less likely to have more than two children, and less likely to be married than previous generations.

In the United States, Pew Social Trends revealed that, from 2008 to 2011, the number of new mothers (women between the ages of 15 and 44 who have given birth in the past 12 months) with less than a high school diploma declined 17%, and the number with only a high school diploma went down 15%. By contrast, the number of new mothers with some college education fell by 6%, and the number with a bachelor’s degree or more fell by just 1%.

Marital status depending upon educational attainment

Although less educated women are a shrinking share of all new mothers, less educated women still have a higher average number of births throughout their lifetime than more educated women. By the end of their childbearing years, women without a high school diploma have on average 2.5 children, and women with a bachelor’s degree have about 1.7. This gap has closed only slightly over the past 25 years.

There are significant differences in the marital status of new mothers depending upon their educational attainment. While about six-in-ten (61% in 2011) women with less than a high school diploma are unmarried when they give birth, this share declines to only 9% among women with at least a bachelor’s degree. {Record Share of New Mothers are College Educated}

Experts have identified a strong linkage between child well-being and maternal education levels. On average, a mother with more education is more likely to deliver a baby at term and more likely to have a baby with a healthy birth weight. As they grow up, children with more educated mothers tend to have better cognitive skills and higher academic achievement than others. It is difficult to determine whether maternal education is causing some of these outcomes, or if it is serving as a proxy for some other causal factor (for example, economic well-being). What is irrefutable, though, is that on average the more education a woman has, the better off her children will be.

Working as hard as ever, but not at home

Moms are working as hard as ever — but they’re spending more time in offices than at home; as a result, moms and dads are more similar now than ever. For most of the 20th century (and before), parents specialized. Dad worked for money. Mom worked at home. But as female education increased — and mid-century technology made housework less time-intensive — moms and dads became less specialized. More moms worked more for money. More dads worked more at home.

At the moment we still may find many families where mothers are much more likely to do the “dirty work” of child care while fathers are more likely to spend a greater share of their time playing with kids or doing home maintenance, like mowing the lawn. But it’s a closing gap, whereby we have developed to a society where the household jobs are considered the ‘dirty jobs’ or jobs to be done by the uneducated and not useful persons. Being a mother or a father, staying at home is by many considered as profiting of the society and not done.

Social media fakes

Illustration of Facebook mobile interface

Illustration of Facebook mobile interface (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Today it is just not done to become a parent or not to be able to show off with all the material wealth we can get today. Instead of spending time to create a real family people prefer to have a virtual circle of friends on Facebook. On Facebook a nice world is presented where the lives are consistently full of happy and wholesome family outings, when there are kids in the house, but mostly it are kidless photo-shoots of far away places with ever changing girlfriends or men.

Allison Hart, who says she loves her children, and who has also learned that motherhood is a series of shocks and disappointments, disgusting things under her fingernails, horrifying smells and constant irritation, writes:

In between those smiling moments are thousands of other moments which go undocumented on Facebook.

We all want to share our best moments. We all want that person we knew 22 years ago and haven’t seen since to think that we are living the life. We aren’t bored. We haven’t watched 13 hours of TV today. Our kids are as charming as they are cute so I’m never, ever jealous of your child-free globe-trotting life. The world can wait! Right now I’m doing the most important and fulfilling job a person can. Oh, and that one picture of me that I’ve posted within the last three years? That old thing? Gosh, I think the kids must have snapped that one while I was composting our garden. Yes I do that in silk and heels. Duh.

Preferring not to tell

Many mothers and fathers dare not to to say the things that most mothers and fathers have thought, but few have had the courage to admit. Telling others to chose for motherhood or fatherhood is like throwing oneself in front of the lions or facing the jaws.

The ones still daring to become a mother would like to become hyperefficient, which makes them only to fail in their made up world. They suddenly want to do everything at once. Some may learn to delegate, prioritize, negotiate and, when necessary, take the wrong choice to give up seeing friends, hoping to get themselves more time with their partner — hardest of all — sleep.

In one survey  posted for working parents, 88% of the nearly 500 respondents said they had suffered stress-related health problems (like anxiety and depression) since having kids and going back to work. One woman told her that at the peak of her working-mom stress, she started having seizures at night.

Most hostile country in the developed world for working parents of all income levels

Alcorn writes:

Studies like “The Three Faces of Work-Family Conflict” explain that America may be the most hostile country in the developed world for working parents of all income levels. Low-wage workers contend with rigid schedules, no paid time off and a lack of affordable child care, while professionals are often expected to work grueling hours and travel for business. Although we experience the problem in different ways, the result is the same: chronic stress.

To be sure, this is not only a women’s problem. As men become more involved at home, studies show that they too are struggling with work-family conflict. And often they work longer hours than women do. But mothers still do more housework and child care, even when both parents work. Mothers multitask more than fathers and enjoy less leisure time than fathers. And mothers experience more guilt about working full time than fathers do.

It makes sense, then, that women are more at risk for the health effects of stress. We are 60% more likely to suffer an anxiety disorder and 70% more likely to suffer from depression than men. Women may be four times as likely as men to suffer from chronic fatigue syndrome. Women are also more likely to suffer from eating disorders, sleep problems and substance abuse as a result of workplace stress.

Showbizz kids

Natalie Portman encounters the Berlinale audie...

Natalie Portman encounters the Berlinale audience and media (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Jerusalem-born 32 years old Natalie Portman revealed that she loves being a mother and has learned to be less judgmental in the years following the birth of her son Aleph, two. She had to accept that parenting is an individual endeavour with no real rules of engagement.

‘I love being a mum,’ Portman said. ‘I’m less judgmental than before I had a kid. The biggest thing about parenting is that it is a totally different experience for every person.

‘Everything is cool, there are no rules – I mean, apart from not hurting your kid. Some people breastfeed until their babies are five, and some don’t breastfeed at all.

Showbizz people do not mind letting the world know they want some time to spend with their children. From those actors and actress it is accepted they may take sometime for their children. People are willing to give them some basic support to meet their competing obligations. But for ordinary folks the competitive world have created an impossible situation.

Young having to take care of the older ones

Our society if it is going to have enough young people to work for the payment of elderly their retirement and the non-active population, shall have to review her stance against married couples, parents and parenting.

We do not claim that it is better that women don’t work. They do have to play their role as well as the men and should be able to share the same duties. that means that men also should become equal to the women, and should also have to do tasks people considered a few years ago only for women, now also to be done by men.

Equality of gender a coin with three sides

The equality of gender should go both ways. the population has to give everybody the right to make their own choice about work and leisure? Everybody should be allowed to choose how much time to spend at a job and what to do in the unpaid sector, be it voluntary work or household work.

says:

  • we can’t keep going at this pace. We need more fathers to share the work of raising a family (which means, for many men, working less).
  • We need employers to offer options like telecommuting, flexible scheduling and better part-time jobs to protect all workers from burning out.
  • We need better government policies: things like paid sick leave and paid parental leave, something every developed country in the world except the U.S. offers its citizens.

The bottom line is this: we have to stop making mothers choose between financial stability and their own health.

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Young Woman Mother with Daughter Girl

Young Woman Mother with Daughter Girl (Photo credit: epSos.de)

Preceding articles:

Connection between women and environmental sustainability

Having children interferes with work

Poverty and conservative role patterns

Surviving Motherhood: things to get excited about, right now

Gender Roles, What?

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Please do also find to read:

  1. Parenthood made more difficult
  2. Gender equality and women’s rights in the post-2015 agenda
  3. Do stay-at-home mothers upset you? You may be a motherist
  4. Motherhood Gave Me a Nervous Breakdown
  5. Avoiding the big questions
  6. How Motherhood Is Changing Dramatically—in 11 Graphs
  7. I want to get paid for changing diapers, but i don’t want to run a day care
  8. I started off with the little things….
  9. I’m not a Mooch

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  • College Education – Talking It Out With Your Folks (degreesinusa.wordpress.com)
    the rising costs of getting college education can be daunting for some parents to bear. If your parents were not able to save for the day you have to go to college then it will be all bad news. That is why before you set your sights on getting post-secondary education, it is best to consult your parents about your decision. Here are some great tips that you can use in order to convince your parents that getting a college education can immensely make your life better.
  • No more apologies (inadifferentvoice.co.uk)
    Instead of being able to identify with any positive model of what I’m currently doing with my life, I frequently feel obliged to delineate all of the things I am Not. Granted, in small stages, and in comparison to the enormous inequalities of the world, these niggles are a drop in the ocean. I move on with my colossal buggy to face the tuts of another innocent childless pedestrian. It is only when I stop and consider the bigger picture, or talk to other parents, that I find that it is the experience itself which is mind-numbingly pedestrian. To be a SAHM mum is to be a disparaged vacuum.
    +
    I find perspective in unexpected places; conversations with older women for example who have highlighted that in their day it was the working mums who faced approbrium (thanks Norma), or from men who want to be more involved but feel childcare is still left in a box reserved for women.
    +
    Feminists are fairly agreed in their critique of the 1950’s housewife model (despite that many women couldn’t afford not to work anyway), yet it seems to have swept over the fact that despite six decades of development, much of the actual work of the SAHM remains unchanged. I cook, bake, organise activities, tend to children, shop and clean (for visitors, sometimes). I do many housewifey things. But when I look to feminism for positive reinforcement of that, I often feel there’s just a dark swirl of snarky remarks, lack of understanding, and an image of Audrey Hepburn in a flowery frock, shrugging vacantly.
  • The rise of ‘Motherism’ – prejudice against stay-at-home mums (telegraph.co.uk)

    Dr Sigman, a fellow of the Society of Biology and associate fellow of the British Psychological Society, has argued in the past that evidence about the long-term effects of sending very young children to full-time day care is being ignored because of a political and economic agenda.

    Addressing a conference organised by the Mothers At Home Matter group, he said that evidence from biosciences showed that mothers provided “unrivalled benefits” to young children that other people, including fathers, cannot.
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    Many working families see “full time” parenting as a luxury enjoyed only by those wealthy enough to live on one wage or those on benefits.

    Dr Sigman, who has four children, said that the derogatory attitudes towards stay-at-home mothers appeared to be the result of a mix of political and economic agendas.

    “I suppose the older feminism, liberal-Left feminism, has ended up a strange bedfellow with Right-wing capitalism.”

  • Comment: In pursuit of gender equality and work-life balance (sbs.com.au)
    Sociologists have spent decades looking at work-family conflict and the stress associated with combining work and family roles. The bulk of the research identifies which individuals report the most work-family conflict. Not surprisingly, they find that women, professionals, people who work longer hours and people with greater workplace flexibility are more likely to say family conflicts with work.This research, of course, validates many of our experiences. Yes, there is gender inequality. Yes, people in professional positions struggle with balancing work and family roles. Yes, your boss can hear your toddler harassing the kitty while you are on the phone. And, yes, these are real problems that deserve real solutions.
    +
    in the most gender-equal societies, such as Sweden, Norway and Finland, this pattern changes. Fathers in these countries are the most likely to report family interferes with their work life than are mothers or individuals without children.So what gives? Why are Swedish dads having such a hard time? We suspect that Swedish men may not be able to opt-out of childcare responsibilities while at work like men in lower gender-equality countries because they have an institutional structure that encourages gender equality.
  • “Superwoman: Can Today’s Women Have It All?” (katelynbudroe.wordpress.com)
    The history of women working outside the home began when women entered the workforce during WWII. Men went to war and vacated jobs which required a labor force. In a world where the average housewife did not work outside the home a marketing campaign ensued. The U.S. government lured women with the iconic symbol of “Rosie the Riveter” with the underlying message that it was their patriotic duty to work. After the war when men returned to their jobs there was a new social shift in America and a new generation of women. America had to contend with a new playing field as women’s outlooks and attitudes toward work were born.
    +
    In real life there are far too few women among the highest ranks of the professions, and millions of everyday women struggle to make ends meet and to juggle work and family.
    +
    The increase of women working outside the home has caused an increase in divorce rates. During the recession when many men lost their jobs, women were able to find work quicker than men. This is usually attributed because men could not find jobs that paid them the same salaries as they had before they lost their jobs and women were filling jobs at lower wages. The realization by women that she can be a good provider may be an indication that a working wife will choose divorce over and unsatisfactory marriage. But the reverse is equally probable. Financial problems cause tension and often play a key role in ending a marriage. The lack of two incomes forces men to stay home and sometimes causes a rift in a marriage as the gender roles are reversed and men feel less competent and is no longer the provider. For married women it is difficult to maintain a happy marriage as she becomes the primary breadwinner and more independent.
  • Why “Working Mother” Is A Redundant Term, Part 2 (sarahsiders.com)
    When one of my best friends, someone who vigilantly linked arms with me in our efforts to empower women, decided to leave the workforce and stay home, we both had some philosophical wrestling to do.
    +
    Being a stay-at-home parent sounded impossible. In fact, my day job felt like an escape. I got to run off into my area of competency all day, got to look knowledgeable and pretend to be “the expert”, with opportunities for acknowledgement for all my contributions.
    +
    So back to the “working mother” business. This term has got to go. It not so subtly implies that stay-at-home moms like my friend aren’t working, that they are just sitting there catching up on 30 Rock episodes while their Roomba vacuums and a nanny totes the children about to various activities. Hardly.
  • Why Gender Equality Is Not Just About Equal Rights (theage.com.au)
    According to a newly released report from the World Economic Forum [pdf], Iceland is the No. 1 country in the world for gender equality, for the fifth year in a row. And that equality is helping propel Iceland and its fellow Nordic nations to new economic heights. Turns out, the smaller the gender gap, the more economically competitive the nation. Even when that nation is totally freezing.
  • Motherless Mom. (tdawneightyone.wordpress.com)
    For me, there are no words available that will allow me to convey what it is like to be a motherless daughter.  It means something different at every stage in my life.  Hope Edelman wrote in her book “Motherless Daughters” about wanting to shout to everyone that her mom died because it sums up so much of who she is and I get that. The only thing that has impacted me greater than losing my mom at the age of 15 has been becoming a mom myself.
  • Breastfeeding support for mom (utsandiego.com)

    Breastfeeding. Women have been doing it since the beginning of human history, though the practice has gone in and out of vogue many times since then. For some women, it’s harder now than ever to take on the task.

    “There is definitely a very clear understanding in our society … that breastfeeding is absolutely best for babies and mothers,” said Diana West, media relations director for La Leche League International, a mother-to-mother breastfeeding support organization that formed in the 1950s.“The problem is mothers understand that intellectually but then the baby is born and they have difficulty.”

  • Lessons in Feminism, From my Father. (thisclimbingbean.wordpress.com)
    It was the mid-80s. We were Anglican Church-goers, and the idea of women in the priesthood was not new, but it was by no means widely accepted, especially not in our small West Australian diocese. My father was a deacon by then, having assisted as a lay person during services for some time. But even though women did help in the service occasionally, and were involved in other areas of the church family, they were not in leading roles.Yet my father didn’t go into any of this. He simply told me that if I wanted to be a priest, then I could. By the time I was grown up, he suggested, there might be lots of women who were priests.
    +
    once he had showed me that the world could certainly use more strong women, and that I could be one of them, he would turn this around on me. I’d bring home a report, I’d do well in a competition, and he would shrug, then say, eyes twinkling, ‘Yeah, it’s alright I guess. For A Girl.‘Because he could throw that line at me now, knowing that I got the joke. It’s not that others had moved beyond that attitude, that prejudice. It still existed. It still does. But it was his way of pushing me, and of praising me without having to say the words.

Having children interferes with work

Today there is a negative attitude towards having children and taking care of children.

Family Portrait

Family Portrait (Photo credit: Gideon Tsang)

It’s true that having children interferes with work. Lots of people do find it hurts their career in the short and long term. some do find it normal that those who get kids should be penalised in their professional career and in the later years of retirement. For them it is very logical that those who stayed at home can not receive retirement allowance for those years they were not productive for the economical world.

As it should, in a fair world. What else can you expect to happen when you take time away from actually doing work? But even if there would be no impact on my career, I still would not want children.

writes .

Breadwinner

SDT-2013-05-breadwinner-moms-1-1

“breadwinner moms” are made up of two very different groups: 5.1 million (37%) are married mothers who have a higher income than their husbands, and 8.6 million (63%) are single mothers.

A recent study by Pew Research in the States, details the trend: In 15 percent of all households of married adults with children under the age of 18, mothers are the sole or primary breadwinner. That’s up from 4 percent back in 1960, and accounts for 5.1 million married mothers who have higher incomes than their husbands.

Stay-at-home dads face many of the economic challenges and concerns as stay-at-home moms — how transitioning from two salaries to one will impact their family, if the time at home might hinder a return to the job force, and whether new roles will cause resentment. But stay-at-home dads often face cultural stigmas about what it means to be a man in America, and what price tag that role should carry.

Paychecks

More women than ever are CEO’s of Fortune 500 companies and in every day households more women are bringing home bigger paychecks than their husbands.
The median total family income of married mothers who earn more than their husbands was nearly $80,000 in 2011, well above the national median of $57,100 for all families with children, and nearly four times the $23,000 median for families led by a single mother.
The income gap between the two groups remains when using personal income as the measure. The median personal income of married mothers who out-earn their husbands was $50,000 in 2011, compared with $20,000 for single moms. Both personal and family income was self-reported. There is a small difference between the median personal income of single mothers and their family income. It could be due to financial contributions of other adult family members such as a cohabiting partner or a parent.

Since 2007 (before the recession officially began) mothers’ views about whether and how much they would like to work had changed significantly. The share of mothers saying their ideal situation would be to work full time increased from 20% in 2007 to 32% in 2012. And the share saying they would prefer not to work at all fell from 29% to 20%.

Gains of women and motherhood

Rally for single parents and their children

Rally for single parents and their children (Photo credit: Greens MP Jamie Parker, Member for Balmain)

A new Pew Research Center survey finds that the public remains of two minds about the gains mothers have made in the workplace–most recognize the clear economic benefits to families, but many voice concerns about the toll that having a working mother may take on children or even marriage.
About three-quarters of adults (74%) say the increasing number of women working for pay has made it harder for parents to raise children, and half say that it has made marriages harder to succeed. At the same time, two-thirds say it has made it easier for families to live comfortably.

In Belgium this can be clearly seen at the amount of divorces which soar the pan. It’s really far out and most children are just dropped at childcare early in the morning to be fetched late at night to be put in bed. the aim to live comfortably having enough luxury to show off to others has become more important than family life.

Primary child attendant

Making the shift from primary breadwinner to a primary caregiver can be so dramatic, especially if that change comes after a job loss, that it got so much negative press to give them who would consider to stay home a nasty shock. Lots of people are put off by the idea to take a part time job and staying some time at home to take care for the kids.

Many youngsters also find it not done that somebody stays at home not being productive in the world economy, and those who would perhaps originally would love to have a family with kids can not afford children and take all efforts not to be with child.

A house or a child

Facing the cost of children many consider it better to by a house instead spening all that money on a child.

And yes, it costs over $200,000 to raise a child to 18. That’s a lot of money to throw away. You could buy a decent house for that price. But even if everything a child would need is was free, even if I was actually paid for having a child, I still would not want children.

writes to the Natalist World.

Bettering oneself through education

According to them having children interferes with bettering oneself through education. Many think when they have to spend time at bringing up children they themselves would not have enough time for themselves. Having children, according to them also takes away the focus from more important work. There are great opportunities for growth and learning even in our sometimes boring 9-5 desk jobs, so why should people use the other time for taking care of the household? After work should there not be fun?
Leisure has become a very important business in our welfare industry.

Well, parents should see that it should already be fun that they are taking the time to invest in them-self and learning more about their world and that they could get other people involved in what they do with their children. There are not only the out-of school events, sports and games the children can enjoy. Also watching documentaries with the partner and kids or work on puzzles with the children, playing trivial pursuit with the family, or discuss new and fresh topics with them and with the friends of yourself, your partner and new friends the children let you know.
Claiming that children will limit your world is not seeing that they will do the opposite, getting you to know more people outside your daily job.

Studying together

English: The Green Children in Bangladesh

The Green Children in Bangladesh (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

When you would like to study something new, your kids do not have to be a stand in the way. Things aren’t just going to be different for you – your kids will also feel the effect of you taking on a new project. However, they may be so proud of your attempt to forward your career that they may surprise you and help out around the house to give you extra time to focus. One way to include them in your endeavours is to set up study groups for all of you to sit down and do your homework together. Why not? This shall inspire you both and it will be much more fun for them than the ordinary school work they have to do obligatory.

In the old days, ‘bettering yourself’ was usually related to improving your social status, often through education and certainly by getting a better job. These days, you can take a wider perspective. Life is much more than earning money. We do not have to measure everything in the form of investment for receiving financial gain.

Pets or children

Flexcin International, Inc., a company that makes natural supplements for humans and pets, found that according to its recent survey, more Americans are electing to house dogs over kids.

The company polled 1,250 pet owners nationwide (ages 21 to 30) about their attitudes on child rearing and pet adoption.

When asked what’s a better fit for them, more than half (54 percent) of respondents said dogs; 46 percent said children.

When asked why they prefer dogs, 34 percent of respondents said they’re not sure if they can handle the needs of raising a child; 28 percent said they don’t have the time to raise a child; 21 percent said kids are more expensive than dogs; and 17 percent said they “just love” dogs more than kids.

If it was polling people with pets, specifically the kind likely to care enough to give their kids supplements, I would think they’d be more likely to get a pet-friendly answer by such people than they would the general public.

I’m childfree and have one dog, but I did Not choose pets over kids any more than I choose driving a sports car over being slapped in the face. That is, the two things have little to nothing to do with each other. Sure, I prefer one over the other, but that doesn’t mean that I chose one over the other.

Many people who do have kids also have pets. It’s not like people can only have one or the other. On the other hand, even if, for some reason, I had decided to never have pets, I still wouldn’t want kids. It’s not like I’m required to have either.

Unpleasant burden

The writer let us hear a voice we can hear at many places. She like many youngsters today do not care much for children. Pets or no, children would be nothing but an unpleasant burden to them. they prefer to enjoy undisturbed sex with their partner, without having any commitments to this partner or for any off-springs of their sexual action.

They shudder to think of how much they  would miss out on in life if ever they became a mother or father. Kids would be a stumble bloc at their leg, limiting their freedom where to go and what to do. Parenthood is totally undesirable to them. It has even come so far that many think “kids would ruin their life”.

The reality is that parenthood is not a fairy-tale filled with Kodak moments. It’s nasty business. There are gross bodily functions, dangers, bitter fights, sleepless nights, tantrums, and regrets. It’s not always pretty. But even if the life of parenthood really was all sunshine, rainbows, kisses, hugs, “I love your”s, and macaroni art, I still would not want children.

confirms ‘childfree’.

Overcrowding

To her horror,

the world population is over 7 billion. That’s far too many humans for one small planet with dwindling resources and a climate on the brink of disaster. It’s dangerous. But even if the world were not overpopulated, even if it was somehow underpopulated, I still would not want children.

At an early age youngsters do want to enjoy sex and more than once we find kids who are with child and have to stop further education. Taking time away from school has a high price. This lack of further education may also bring more difficulties to higher a person in a good paid job. Resulting in receiving less income than somebody who studied longer, the children often came in the same street as their parents and because of the family struggles also start misbehaving, sometimes criminally so.

Benefits

But having stopped studies early in adulthood should not be a reason not to progress and to continue taking up knowledge and wisdom.

Having children in such an instance should also not be a burden, but could be used as a blessing. When giving up some time to spend with the kids they also can provide new knowledge and reasons enough to study further on your own.

The final stage is to build a series of stepping stones towards your self-betterment. List all the activities that you do now and assess how you spend your time. Then ask yourself which ones contribute to your aim and how. Get not blindfolded by others or get blind by the financial gain you may receive by not being present for your children but at work for an employer.

The work you have to do at home, is not be paid for in money, but it shall be more profitable to you than man think. You yourself have to make the choice, either to be there for your children or to be there for yourself or a company.

Obligation

SDT-2013-05-breadwinner-moms-1-2

A new Pew Research Center survey finds that the public remains of two minds about the gains mothers have made in the workplace–most recognize the clear economic benefits to families, but many voice concerns about the toll that having a working mother may take on children or even marriage. About three-quarters of adults (74%) say the increasing number of women working for pay has made it harder for parents to raise children, and half say that it has made marriages harder to succeed. At the same time, two-thirds say it has made it easier for families to live comfortably.

As parents it is the obligation to take care for those who came after sexual enjoyment. There are enough preservative measures if people do not want children, but once they are there they shall have to consider them and have the sense of duty.

Both parents shall have to find answers how to manage properly the household. they shall have to choose who is going to play which role, or how they can divide the household tasks. They shall need to change how they use their time.

Banker-turned-financial-advisor Denise Winston of Money Start Here says that when either parent decides to stay home, it’s important to run the numbers on both sides of the equation. Not only is this important for budgeting, but it helps emphasize how the stay-at-home parent is contributing financially to the household, even when they’re no longer bringing in a traditional salary.

“Ask, how much is child care? That could easily be $2,000 a month. Did you have a housekeeper, commute, laundry service? If one parent is now providing those services, that’s a tremendous savings,” she says.

Winston warns that a parent exiting the workforce might need a crash course in domestic finances.

“When you think about how much money flows through that person’s hands — groceries, back to school, prescriptions — if they’re not into getting a good deal, this could potentially cost the household a ton of money. You have to look at it like a sport, or a business.”

Having children may interfere with many plans, and could require another budget use, but parents should be aware it is not the money which shall make them as happy as the blessings and pleasure those children can bring.

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This is a reaction on: Letters To A Natalist World: I Don’t Want Children Because I Don’t Want Children

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Find also:

  1. What I “Regret” About Being Childfree
  2. Choosing Pets Over Kids?
  3. Why are people choosing pets over kids?
  4. Welfare state and Poverty in Flanders #8 Work
  5. Welfare state and Poverty in Flanders #12 Conclusion
  6. Work with joy and pray with love
  7. Gender Roles, What?
  8. Stay-at-Home Dads Get a Crash Course in Family Finances (and Guilt)
  9. Breadwinner Moms
  10. Only I can change my life
  11. Leaving behind the lives we have touched.
  12. The business of this life
  13. Power in the life of certain
  14. A person is limited only by the thoughts that he chooses
  15. Thirst for happiness and meaning
  16. Be happy that the thorn bush has roses
  17. Suffering produces perseverance
  18. Change
  19. It is a free will choice
  20. Your life the sum total of all your choices
  21. Monotomy of life
  22. Teach children the Bible
  23. Words in the world
  24. We should use the Bible every day
  25. Created to live in relation with God
  26. Life in gratitude opens glory of God
  27. A Living Faith #8 Change
  28. A Living Faith #10: Our manner of Life #2
  29. Choose you this day whom ye will serve

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  • Women rising up as breadwinners of today’s modern family (theage.com.au)
    More Australian women are bringing home the lion’s share of the household income with females nominated as the breadwinner in one in four Australian households.More than half a million Australian households now have a female as the major wage earner – 140,000 more households than a decade ago.Female-breadwinner households are more likely to be couple-only households and households on lower incomes, according to the National Centre for Social and Economic Modelling published Wednesday report.
  • The Stay at Home Mom Hobby Guide (coupons.answers.com)
    For much of the day, stay-at-home moms are busy caring for their children as well as the household. Running errands, cleaning, driving kids to school, and washing loads of laundry are just a few of the tasks of a stay-at-home mom. A hobby can be a great way for a stay-at-home mom to take a little time to explore her own talents. She may love to write, paint pictures, or take photographs. These creative hobbies can help her to relax. A hobby can also contribute to maintaining the family budget. For instance, couponing is a hobby that many moms are interested in. A mom finds coupons and then figures out how to use them to her best advantage. In short, the hobbies of a stay-at-home mom can benefit a family’s finances. The following outlines a selection of hobbies that stay-at-homes may want to look into.
  • Stay At Home Mom… (1luckygal.com)
    I guess at this moment I am moving out of the realm of stay at home motherhood and into the work at home motherhood realm, for a minute I was a working single mom and then I was a working mom and before that I was a stay at home mom. So basically I have done the loop. I know that no matter what your motherhood status is, that we are all mothers. We are all trying very hard to raise a child who will go on to participate in society in an appropriate and independent way.
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    Just like there is no reason you should be less or more respected if your doing less of the very hard work of mothering and more of the very hard work of having a career. We should just respect each other because it takes a village and a village missing things like stay at home moms, stay at home dads, two income families, old people keeping track of the neighborhood from their window becomes less of a village then our children deserve.
  • Thought You Noticed More Stay-at-Home Dads? You’re Right! Here’s Why (thebump.com)
    A new study published in the Journal of Family Issues noted that more than half-million dads are staying home with the kids as stay-at-home fathers. The research, conducted by sociologist Karen Z. Kramer of the University of Illinois, noted that when compared to moms staying home with the kids, stay-at-home dads who were not stay at home by choice tended to be older and less educated than moms. Most were also disabled, ill or unemployed. But among men who chose to be a stay-at-home dad, most tended to be higher-income with wives with greater earning potential and had more children under 5.
    +
    While traditional family roles are changing, so too is the make-up of the typical family.Families with two natural parents and two children make up 28 per cent of all families with kids.Couple families with one child are the second most common at 23 per cent, followed by single parents with one child at 15 per cent.

    However, one of the largest increases has been in the number of blended and stepfamilies – doubling in recent decades, to make up almost 11 per cent of Australian families with dependent children, compared with 6.8 per cent in 1986.

  • Study: ‘House Husbands’ More Common Than Ever (nation.time.com)
    More dads are staying at home with the kids, according to a new study in the Journal of Family Issues.The study used data from the Census Bureau’s Current Population Survey to compare characteristics of families in which at least one spouse had a full-time job. Researchers found that between 1976 and 2009, the percentage of households with stay-at-home dads increased steadily.Over the last decade, the percentage of house dads increased to 3.5%, or 550,000 dads. In the ’70s, only 280,000 men were staying at home, representing only 2% of the families analyzed.
  • The Working Mom… an Oxymoron? (milnechelsea.wordpress.com)
    There’s such a thing called “mother’s guilt.”  It starts once she first gives birth and realizes she has some options regarding whether or not she should work.  Interestingly, regardless of her decision, over half of mothers documented by the Working Mother Research Institute in both categories feel guilty.In fact, 51 percent of working mothers feel guilty about not spending enough time with their children.   55 percent of stay-at-home mothers feel guilty for not contributing to family income.  WMRI
  • Number of the Week: Rise of Single Moms Drives Down Overall Income (blogs.wsj.com)
    New data this week showed once again that it’s been a rough couple decades for the American middle class. Median household income barely budged in 2012, and is actually lower, after adjusting for inflation, than it was in 1989. “This isn’t a lost decade for economic gains for Americans,” the Washington Post’s Neil Irwin wrote on Tuesday. “It is a lost generation.”
    +
    The median income for all families with children under 18 was just under $60,000 last year, up about 3% since 1990 after adjusting for inflation. But what might once have been considered the “typical” American family — a married couple, living together, with at least one child under 18 — has done quite a bit better: Their median income was $81,455, up nearly 16% from 1990.The trouble is, such families have become significantly less common over time. In 1980, married couples made up 80% of all families with children. A decade later, that figure had fallen below 75%. Today, it’s less than two-thirds. The number of families headed by single moms — any mother with no spouse present, regardless of whether she has a live-in partner — has increased more than 30% since 1990, to more than 10 million.
    +
    In terms of income growth, single moms aren’t actually doing much worse than their married counterparts — their median income is up 14% since 1990, nearly as much as for married parents. But they earn far less in absolute terms. The median income for a family headed by a single mother was $25,493 in 2012, which means roughly 5 million single mothers earn less than $25,000 a year.
  • Recognizing the “SAHD” (timesunion.com)
    A few male twitter users recently blasted me for neglecting to include stay-at-home dads in various online discussions. I honestly hadn’t given a serious thought to the fact that there are plenty of fathers filling the shoes stay-at-home-moms traditionally stand in. I shamefully admit that I was oblivious to men who are staying home to care for their children. While the definition the US Census Bureau has been using to base their family and living arrangement statistics on produces small numbers, the reality is much more impressive: nearly 1.5 million men are SAHDs (Stay-at-home-dads) today, and this number continues to climb as women are assuming more demanding / valuable roles in the workplace.
  • Building a more father-friendly Calgary (metronews.ca)
    How father-friendly is our city? That’s an important question, and not just for local fathers and families. The answer has implications for women, the economy, and the overall strength of our communities.
  • Pew research reveals more women becoming ‘breadwinners’ (nbc-2.com)
    More women are bringing home the bacon, while their husbands take care of the chores at home.
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    According to the Pew Research Center, mothers are the sole or primary provider in four out of ten U.S. households with children.These ‘breadwinner moms’ are broken into two groups: 37 percent are married mothers while 63 percent are single mothers.

I started off with the little things….

A question more parents should ask today “What do I want, do I really want a wife and family”. When we made the choice to get children we should take our responsibilities and should question ourselves which values we do find appropriate our children learn.
To give the right eduction to our children we can not leave everything to the school, where today the teachers are not allowed any more to teach something different than the subject they are giving. Because they may not reprimand, Christian parents should consider who is going to spend some time with the children to teach them the Judeo-Christian values.
Once we have children we can not say “I need to let them go.” We do have to make the right choice not as such only for us, but more importantly for the children, the next generation.